Week 5

25th Aug 2006
23:42hrs AEST


4.71 weeks, 32 days, 768hrs, 46080 minutes, 2764800 sec have passed.. assuming that 1/3 of our lives are spent sleeping.. that would have meant that I would have spent ~11 days (10.99) days asleep.. and 21 days.. awake..

What have I achieved in these 21 days.. the spectre of procastination and lethargy seem to materialize always in the periphery.. 21 days- how can I account to all of my days? It can be quite trying sometimes.. I cannot say that each second of these 21 days worth was spent in the most economical.. yet I guess.. even the most effecient of things- the human body.. is only 40% fuel effecient ( cf. car engines- 15% effeciency.. albeit the effeciency of nuclear reactors are about 60% effeciency.. )

Moments of achievement interspersed with occasional tinges of anguish and anxiety.. the later two almost as if an amorphous continum of uniform consistency.. Moments where I become myopic and simply fixated on my goals.. and yet moments when I just hope sweet serendipity would favour a person such as me. Moments where life seems to be a Kasparov chess game- the many steps ahead planned to produce a favourable result- and yet moments when life should be just taken as it is- a journey and not a race.

Somehow, even as ridiculous as it may sound- sleep deprives me of rest. Some subconscious thought must be manifesting itself in my dreams as I lay to rest... I dream of a constant image.. I've had this dream repeated to me but in slightly different manners.

In my dreams I am walking by a quiet seaside park that has a tarmac path running thru.. the beach has no sand but hard rocks- white ones. and the tarmac path meets an intersection which turns into a concrete pathway at an intersection- which leads to a bridge- the most prominent of my dreams.. the bridge looks a manner similar to the San Francisco golden gate bridge- yet it is all concrete white.. it seems to lead somewhere.. over the seas.. the weather is grey but not stormy.. the bridge is broken in the middle.. and the slight half of the other side of the bridge is obscured by the fog.. the opposite bank cannot be seen..

I havent a clue why i keep seeing this place in my dreams..

Anyway its bedtime and i shall take my leave..