haiku

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Wake me up when the lecture ends

Wake Me Up When The Lecture Ends

Weekend has come and past.
Monday morning comes so fast.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

Playing LAN at 12 plus,
I dont think tomorrow I'll last.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

Sitting in lecture again,
I am seeing stars.
Seats feel so soft again,
Cushioning my arse.

As my memory blanks
I'm only afraid that I snore.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

Weekend has come and past.
Monday morning 8am class.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

My clock sounds the bells again.
I awake faster than sleep began.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

Monday 9 am class.
The stupid lecturer talks so fast.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

I just hope my exams pass.
Or else my parents kick my arse.
Wake me up when the lecture ends.

By: Ken Chin

Cam

Final Charge

Monday, 20th November '06 23:57hrs AEST

Feel like a shooting star.. hurling myself at full speed.. burning up as I tumble thru this exam period.. I feel so spent of energy.. surprisingly i'm not under stress at all.. I'm just exhausted.. it was more like a marathon run than a 100m sprint.. it wasnt very painful.. in the sense that once I got moving, I just had to keep on moving... it just slowly drained all the energy from me.. I'm tired but there're just 2 more papers to go.. its that same feeling that you get in the last 400m of a 2.4km run.. the part where the end is in sight.. and you just feel every sinew and muscle in you scream.. and in your head.. the mixed feeling of pure adrenaline driven aggression.. as well as the begging just for the body to endure.. and hurl out every single last bit of energy..

The end is in sight.. just a matter of 2 more days.. in 400m alot can happen.. but.. the only thing that I want to happen is to throw every last bit of my energy.... EVERYTHING.. no reserves shall be spared.... all that matters is the taste of success.. the taste of victory..

Its all or nothing.. now or never..

I say, NOW is the time..

to give ALL my best..

The Final Charge..

Ode to Soccer

Ode to Soccer

The green turfs beckon me thus
Yet the bonds of education yield not
Flee from this temtation I must
For an exam on tuesday is what I've got

The thirst for adrenaline I desire to sate
With the sun on my back and the wind on my face
To feel the thrill of a rising heart rate
Swiftly as my feet bear me with imacculate grace

Yet if 'ere so unfortunate as myself to injure
Who else should shoulder the blame?
This exam period in anguish to endure
Feeling sorry wouldnt suffice -for I'd be quite lame

Thus, to my academia I retire to
A heart heavy with with reluctance and hesitation
Declining soccer on sunday is hard to do
But I will do it.. cos I'd rather that THAN APPLY FOR SPECIAL CONSIDERATION

Ken Chin (1987- soon)

safeway

It was meant to be a happy thing.. I went to safeway.. for once in a very long while since my aunt was here.. to get goodies to bring back for my friends.. as usual, I did my organised row inspection.. row by row.. I got to the sweets.. picked up starbursts.. Jamie (sis) loves those... Passed by the confectionary section.. Pods.. Faith said she wanted some.. Tim Tams.. I never really liked eating those.. but Grandpa loves them.. with coffee.. still dont understand why.. Reached the health products section and I saw the sanitarum weet bix sorta healthy foods- wholemeal.. organic muesli..

Just as I reached for one of the boxes, i felt a cold feeling welling up in me.. it was as if someone froze my heart that instant.. I was about to get a box of sanitarium muesli.. for my grandma.. but.. she isnt around anymore...

I just stopped there.. I felt as if my heart collapsed in onto itself.. I almost broke down on that spot.. It was that cold sudden realisation.. that really hit me with a sledgehammer.. even with that daily exercise regimen, my heart just felt so weak at that instant.. it has been 2 months, yet I still feel the ache in my heart.. loss.. What would I give just to hear her last few words again in my ears? What would she have me do? what would her last words to me be? From the hospital bed that I last saw her in.. to a niche in the columbarium.. And all this while.. I told her to hang on.. I told her that I'll be back soon to see her... yet it was time for her to go..

Slowly I guess I have to come to accept that dying is infact part and parcel of life... by living every day.. we risk dying one day.. I never hoped from much from her.. She had showered me with as much love and care- more than I could ask for.. All I would hope for.. is that she remembered me as a dutiful, filial and loyal grandson..

I just had to compose myself and walk away.. didnt want to create a scene at safeway.. Holding my emotions wasnt something I excelled at... but I had to do it.. keep a stiff upper lip and uphold the social norm.. yet I felt so vulnerable.. The fact that i could hear emotions just running thru my veins... wreaking havoc with my cognition.. yet I firmly wouldnt give into it...

I guess, there will be a time for sadness.. but the time isnt now.. now when I need my strength the most..

This is anfield?

This is Anfield?

-Yixian's place last X'mas..

Exam stress

Fig 1.1 The Pathological Effects of Stress on a Science Student

happy 20th andy!

Happy 20th Andy!

nomination

I was thinking of a new nickname to iron on to OCF soccer team jersey.. and I was wondering what to put.. something that would sound pretty dangerous and lethal- something fierce.. so I tot of a few.. Lets get some votes!

Names for nomination

- Cuddly
-Mr. Tinkles
-Teddy. B
-Sunshine
-Fluffy
-Chinchilla

What do u guys think?:D

Risks

It is in living, that we risk dying
By loving, we risk rejection
By weeping, we risk being labeled as sentimental
By giving, we risk loss
By protecting, we risk injury

Yet, the worst thing in life.. is to risk nothing at all...



It is by taking risks and chances that we learn to be brave- anon.

Yet it is also said: That sometimes its not the risks we take.. but rather, the choices we make.. that shape our own destiny..

Eye

The Human Eye- One of the most remarkable organs of our body

CV 4 position of BF

I was thinking about jobs today.. and how people write CVs to get their positions.. and then a tot came to my mind.. what about applying to be a boyfriend? *lightbulb lighting up sound* Ah! and then I can send it to my potential employers! Well.. I think it would look something like this

Applicant: Chin Fu Wen, Kenneth
Date of Birth: 9/12/87
Blood Type: A+
Height: 1.71m
Weight: Statistically ~ 1.75-2x a standard girl's weight
Eyesight: Perfect (glasses are for deception :P)
[Blood glucose]: 4-5mM (concentration increases to lethal levels when around girls that are sweet.. requires administration of insulin)
Mean heart rate at rest: 61 bpm (faster when with a girl.. except my mudder.. oops..)


Institute of Education: University of Melbourne
Courses: BSc. (Bachelor of Siamming class)
MD. (Masters of Disasters)
PhD. (Pretty hopeless 'Diot)

Results for Core Curriculum:
-Home Economics: A1 (Agar-ation lvl 1)

-Romantic Poetry Writing: H1 (Hopeless One)

-Wit and Humour Module: F (Fantastic)

-Advanced Sappy Songs Singing(ASSS) Module: CMI(Cannot Make It)

-Independantly-Directed Initiation Of Tenderness(IDIOT)
Module: H2A (Hopelessly 2 Awful)

-General Integrated Long-term Affection(GILA)Module: U (Unbelievable)

-Basic Affection and Principles Of Kindness(BAPOK)Module: U (Unthinkable)

-Principles of Advanced Intimacy and Special Emotions of the Heart (PAISEH) Module: A (adooi)

-Self Initiated Affirmation of Neutrality(SIAN)Module: H1 (Hab1s) (This module is incredibly important when caught in arguments)

so... what do u guys think? hahaa.. throw comments and if your a guy hoping that you can chuck your CV here.. I dont think thats effective too.. :P hahaa.. This's will probably seal the fate of my singularity for the rest of my life.. NOOO!!!!! haha! Enjoy!

What drives me

Today, its exactly 1 mths time to my exam.. It has been a long path taken this yr.. yet it seems so brief.. just as winter has passed, spring is here again. As much as I should be burried in my work now, I feel rather adversive to it.. I dont know why.. could it be that I've lost my ardour and thirst for victory? could it be that I'm worn out and tired?

I've been having nightmares for 4 consecutive nights.. and every morning I awake in cold sweat and thankful that it was just a dream.. I've never been so terrified by my dreams before.. what could they mean? all these dreams- or should i say nightmares? most certainly its not a soft and subtle calling out to me.. it seems to be yelling out to me.. perhaps a deeply rooted fear that manifests itself subtly in my periphery- the fear not of failure, rather- being average..

I know its quite arrogant and impudent of me to say and assume that I will never fail a subject in uni.. so far I havent.. but the more disturbing fact is that people seem to be racking up H1s so easily.. and I dont understand what is so physiologically different from me and them that enables them to excell so well- whatever it is, I must find what they have and I must learn from it..

I've been asking myself.. what drives me- is it true passion or is it more of fear? There are times where I really feel like I've lost the will to fight and carry on.. and I really ask myself why the hell am i doing this to myself- a very simple answer comes back to me.. yet more of an excuse rather than an answer- " sometimes the most unpleasant things to do are the most correct ones.."," Everyone else is going thru the same thing.. why should u even think of complaining?" and lastly "DONT THINK SO MUCH- WAKE UP YOUR IDEA AND DO YOUR JOB"... job.. duty.. I cant help but feel my orientally traditional debt and duty to my parents and family.. to let them down would be shameful and even.. dishonourable..

Moreover, how am I able to answer to myself? I guess I am my worst enemy... harsh and sometimes unforgiving not to others.. but to myself... perhaps some of my repressed memories come alive to me.. being made fun of in school because of my size.. and because I wasnt a very bright kid.. and as I left for Australia to study in trinity.. people said that I went there because I was chicken- couldnt live up to the Singapore education system.. all these things yell out to me.. I hear it screaming out in my blood.. almost like a vengance within me.. something that drives me pursue this academic excellence- that is my reprisal.

What would have made me so vindictive of them? Of all I find it the worst to love those that I had to endure with.. and in the sense, it drives me to this crazed and aggressive pursuit of academic excellence.. It may seem abit off tangent to this subject.. but it is one of the contributing factors..

I guess now its not important to find out what exactly drives me.. since its more useful to use this energy right now.. and do what I have to do.. I guess.. dont think so much abt it..

This's just another of my mental soliloquys.. sorry if it isnt light hearted as it would usually be..

The Prayer of St Francis

The Prayer of St Francis


Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

I tot that this was very meaningful.. in a world so full of hatred.. and sadness and dispair.. in this, one can find meaning in living.. to bring happiness and restore hope to those who have lost it.. as well as to oneself...

The 2 best states to be in, in the whole of Australia are

1- Victoria
and 2- STONED

Cancer

A path forks in the yellow woods..

A wierd sensation.. I'm 18.. turning 19 at least and the time has come again.. for me to make an executive decision... i wouldnt over dramatize it.. neither will i overlook its substantiality.. its time to re-enrol with my 3rd year subjects.. to choose my path- the route that I want to go..

Somehow after these years, I have grown independant in a way of my parents making decisions for me.. but yet I feel that youth is fleeting- why should anyone at my age be overloaded with decisions like this? In a sense it does and at the same time does not add up for much- at the end of the day I still come out with a science degree.. just like everyone else.. or at least those who're insane enough to actually love studying.. its kinda sadomasochistic dont u think?.. yet.. what I chose will determine what I can do in the future too..

I've decided to choose biochemistry and pathology as a major.. I saw honours projects the other day when I was in the lift- pathology had alot to offer in the field of cancer research.. (dad still thinks pathology means i have to cut up dead people.. *pfft*)

A friend then asked me.. "why do u want to find a cure for cancer?" and.. in my mind.. i felt as if.. I would be labeled as those deluded, money seeking sort.. or fame and glory seeking sort.. motivated by things like these to go find a cure for cancer..

In sec 3 I saw my grandma die of cancer.. it was slow and painful.. and me at that young age.. I guess it was the first time I saw death in the face.. yet not the death I thought I'd see in a car crash or when u shoot someone for answering all the teacher's questions during biochem tute(shoot repeatedly.. and with a machine gun).. but it was the death that slowly wasted away a person.. a person that I loved deeply.. someone that took care of me and always encouraged me to study.. even if she didnt have formal education..

It seems as if.. it had persisted in me so long.. lasting till today.. why.. cancer had to slowly destroy my grandma.. then i just tot cancer was something just abit more serious than a high fever.. now i study about it and learn about its intricacies..

But from then till now.. the thing that hasnt changed.. was the sadness of watching cancer eat the life out of my grandma.. destroying her slowly.. Many years have passed and time and time again I visit the Garden of Remembrance to pay my respects.. sometimes.. i look at the niche.. at her photo.. and i ask: "grandma what would you have me do?" Back then.. in her last few moments I remembered.. the feeling of vengance.. and that has simmered till now.. Its a feeling and a desire to avenge her.. and the hope that many more families will not suffer broken hearts..

Sigh.. there again.. kenchin.. you rely so heavily on your emotions.. and they may blind and mislead your logical judgement.. but.. for what its worth.. I have made up my mind.. and I really do hope that whatever it is that I do.. I must honour God, honour my grandma.. and bring honour to my family.. as I pursue this path.. Grandma.. if you're watching me from above.. I hope it will bring a smile to you..

limerick

There was a young chemist from Ryde,
Who drank a foul poison and died.
It was ortho-hydroxy
-para-methoxy
-tri-nitro benzaldehyde!

by Ivan Livingstone

Today, the 30th September 2006. It was really a day of days.. Soccer although to me would seem like a little trivial thing. I play the sport to keep fit as well as to have fun- Its not like I even watch soccer- I couldnt be bothered with following the EPL or La Liga.. But today something really felt different on the field

For weeks, I've been running 5km daily not only to maintain my fitness but also for this day to come finally- where whatever I've worked for will pay off. I felt like I played in a team today.. Everyone was having fun but some were more injured than others. And something told me today to give of my best and to give the opponents hell.. or at least make it a hard fight for them.. I was determined not let them think that its a cakewalk..

But somehow i felt it wasnt about me.. it wasnt abt trying to win praises or do fancy tricks.. it was about the team who I represent.. It was about doing my part in my team- Together-Everyone-Achieves-More and I felt there was really alot of fighting spirit today.. Undefeated and a clean sheet of not conceeding any goals(winning 1 drawing 2) was something that has never happened before- for 2 yrs in a roll we've lost to OCF melbourne uni and OCF parkville.. we've never won a tournament- but today we've won or at least drawn with the stronger teams- in 2 yrs we've grown stronger and will continue to grow stronger.

In these few hours, it had been the most adrenaline filled hours of the week.. Balls flying around, the feeling of chasing down an opponent.. getting tackled.. the feeling of pain- these were not new acquaintances.. but nevertheless to be treated a strong dose of appropriate sportsmanship.. It had been exciting and really good to play as a team. Well done OCF Carlton

Ole!

Dream Chaser

Dream Chaser

Could I chase a wild dream,
Across the fields of my own mental cognition
An aspiration so enticingly agleam
A chase spirited with human determination

Could I chase a wild dream
And in pursuit, stumble and fall
Can I bear to pick myself up
Dust myself off and say its nothing at all

Could I chase a wild dream
And chase with such nerves of steel
To bear weariness in heart but by it not subdued
As pain is only a temporary and transient thing to feel

Could I chase a wild dream
Fixing my eyes only on my goal
Pursuing it even as the surroundings bid to decieve and distract
Achievement of the dream is my aspiration sole.

Could I chase a wild dream
So alluring yet so swiftly and cunningly it eludes
To discern between dream and its mirages
And not compromise to hope that serendipity concludes

Could I chase a wild dream
And with sorrow and discouragement, acquaint
Yet not embrace negatives such as these
Shrug them off and carry on without complaint

Could I chase a wild dream
Only to realise that the achievement of the dream isnt the most imperative
In pursuit to strive and to seek, I grew
And only to understand that what truly counts, is my best that I give.

Could I chase a wild dream
And accept that I may stumble and have to start off where I first began
Hence, if i have truly learnt what it means to chase a wild dream
I'll start again with a smile on my face, because i know-
That these experiences have grown me into a man

Kenneth Chin (1987- )

Friends

Imagine that one day 2 countries went to war- yours and another.. and you meet one of your good friends on the battlefield- both draw guns and point to each other.. both have orders to kill their enemies.. would you pull the trigger?

A hypothetical situation as given to me by a good friend of mine... one day over a coffee. It was a good question nonetheless- one worthy of debate. " I wouldnt know.. people change in the heat of battle.. but.. my feeling is- that if he can pull the trigger and live on with it.. then he should go ahead.. because I wouldnt want to live with the regret of killing a good friend.." I said..

"It is a weakness ken.. your compassion" he said, quite blandly...

Is being compassionate weakness? I really wonder.. does showing compassion really matter in this world of cold cruelty? Perhaps I am such a person that relies alot on emotions- emotions and logic amalgamated together then give birth to a course of action.. Would it be harsh to condemn such compassion- an emotion as weakness? I really wouldnt know.. It looks like in itself- if i keep going this way I'm at the losing end of the deal.. the one always to be killed while others live.. but what is life anyway?

The scene changes- a bunch of my trinity college friends have just finished watching Battle Royale- a japanese film which is a movie abt a reality TV show about friends killing each other. After a whole load of "OMG THE HOT JAP GUY IS GONNA DIE" from the girls, and bloodshed.. there was along discussion after it- that if we-the bunch of friends, who amongst us would be able to kill amongst ourselves.. and thus it was said to me "Kenchin I dont think you can kill... you're too soft hearted" -what does that mean? Is it a good trait or a weakness?

I wouldnt ever want war- because of these things...

12 sept

12th September 2006
1850hrs AEST
+0800GMT

Today had a very wierd feeling to begin with.. almost a sense of surreality..

The shrill alarm of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star- tamil version" just pierced the silence and jolted me from my sleep. Opening my eyes I was bombarded by an obscene quanta of light.. but slowly it eased off.. the sky as azure blue as could be greeted me - cloudless- just amplifying the vastness of the heavens stretched out above.. 9:55AM.. I began my day waking up to find my body refusing to move out of bed- I had about 10hrs of sleep and by university standards, its luxurious.. yet its as if the bed posessed some incredible binding properties- high affinity binding for my physical flesh.. with a herculean feat I roll my dead arse off the bed and head for the shower..

Being enclosed as I begin the routine process of sanitizing myself ( i must always have a shower in the morning), the weather gorgeous in all its splendeour seem just so impudent in fixating my mind on it.. I felt something different.. Mornings usually didnt feel this way.. There was something different in this one.. As I showered I forced myself to focus on my pathology test- reciting exerpts of my notes mentally as if chanting a mental mantra.. Eosinpphil Chemotactic Factor- A, Immunoglobulin Gamma, C1 QRS complex, Antibody Dependant Cell/Complement Mediated Cytotoxicity.. P53 Tumor Suppressor Gene.... IL-1/IL-6/TNF-alpha causes fev... Phospholipase C activates Prot.... and the thought of the light shining thru my window, hidding so discretely in the periphery of my thoughts seem to conflict in an attempt to suppress all other thoughts.. somewhat something was different..

Getting out of the block and straight into the majesty of the weather.. shades on were the first thing I did.. I grabbed my bike and cycled to school. Riding thru school.. everything seemed subtly different.. the way people went around uni.. they seemed to waltz and saunter.. rather than the rigid "marching" to class.. As I cut past the library to the medical building.. A strong wind blew.. and the trees above let fly with flower petals.. it was as if it was snowing... a beautiful sight to behold.. ayy..

Oh oops I gotta run an errand.. * TO BE CONTINUED*

Astrocyte

An Astrocyte (a neural cell) stained with Immunofluorescence

Guinea Pig Ileum

I just tot you guys mite find this interesting- this was a previous week's experiment: Guinea Pig's ileum (small intestine) immersed in McEwen's solution and aerated with carbogen (95% O2 5% CO2).. the experiment was to add Acetylcholine and histamine and watch the ileum contract- at least thats the simplified story..but yea... the ileum contracted so much the crap extruded out from the ends..

10th Septemeber

10th September 2006

Its 2:47 am and my bloody neighbour is blasting the music- I was plugged into my iPod.. and the only thing that alerted me to the presence of the music being blasted was the mere fact that I FELT VIBRATIONS THRU MY TABLE.. Already agitated with physiology, this fool agitates me even more.. somehow I've given up on peaceful solutions- Wenyang suggests that I max out my bass and play the Hamster Song.. but well.. I guess two wrongs dont make a right..

Somehow I feel that I suddenly take to liking the quietness and serenity of the night.. where everything is so still.. sometimes so quiet that even I can hear my own heartbeat- at least that tells me I'm still alive. At least I believe that I shouldnt take being alive for granted..

Isnt it amazing to know that of our WHOLE ENTIRE GENOME, only 1.5% of it codes for functional biological products(exons)- ie. polypeptides? and excluding the rest of the 28.5% that are introns that are removed during mRNA modification.. of which some are regulatory sequances.. and yet people say things are "IN YOUR GENES" - that 1.5% in my whole genome?

I talked to a friend today.. she asked me why I pushed myself so hard with my exercise regimen.. cant we accept what we are genetically born to be? There is a measure of truth in what she said.. tho somehow i disagreed- I believe that despite our genes, we can be different.. what shapes us is nature and nuture- and we still have a locus of control over what we want to be.. and thats what I believe makes differences in people... just surrendering to that 1.5% of my genome? I dont think so... It sounds kinda gung ho and all.. but wouldnt you want to believe that you can shape ur own life? It reminds me of the show GATTACA.. which the name itself represents the 4 nitrogenous bases of our human genome- Guanine, Adenine, Thymine and Cytosine.. where a naturally born human who is ridden with disabilities and genetic disposition to be weak, does better than his peers who are genetically modified.. the triumph of sheer human will and human spirit.. but this is a show.. what about in reality?

Can our own will overide the "predestination" as written by our genes? I think it can.. and it probably already has.. What do you think?

Grandma

Grandma

Grandma, your eyes grey with the graces of old age
Yet you gaze upon me so strongly with pride
They gleam with lived experience of a great sage
Tho' weary from the countless years
They yield no tears
I see in them your resilience and might.

Grandma, your words are soft and tender
Yet you speak them to me in great volume and length
You speak them to me that I may always remember
From myself in this life, my utmost and best I must give
To love my parents while I live
And always remember that the Lord is my strength

Grandma, your hands are cold
Yet when you grasp mine I feel the warmth from your heart
The same way you grasp, now when you're old
Was the same way you did
The way you held my hand and walked me as a kid
From then till now nothing has changed- you still loved me just as much

Grandma, I want to stay by your side
Yet you tell me to go
Not that I can bear to go but your instructions I abide
To finish my tasks that I must do
To walk the journey of life- just as you before me had walked thru
To bring honour to the family, from you this I know

Grandma, you told me not to cry
Yet these tears flow free
Tears, that against my male pride so impunitively defy
"I am old" you say
And I must take my leave one day
But worry not, we'll meet again where there's no sorrow or suffering- in heaven that'd be

Grandma, this mortal world you leave
Yet eternally in my heart you reside
Your mortal self fades, as loved ones bereave
With eventuality all broken hearts heal
But your life, the hands of death can never steal
Tho' mortal flesh has faded, with love- you in my heart are immortalized

Ken Chin (1987- )
Dedicated to my dearly beloved and departed grandma as of 2nd Sept 2006

Week 5

25th Aug 2006
23:42hrs AEST


4.71 weeks, 32 days, 768hrs, 46080 minutes, 2764800 sec have passed.. assuming that 1/3 of our lives are spent sleeping.. that would have meant that I would have spent ~11 days (10.99) days asleep.. and 21 days.. awake..

What have I achieved in these 21 days.. the spectre of procastination and lethargy seem to materialize always in the periphery.. 21 days- how can I account to all of my days? It can be quite trying sometimes.. I cannot say that each second of these 21 days worth was spent in the most economical.. yet I guess.. even the most effecient of things- the human body.. is only 40% fuel effecient ( cf. car engines- 15% effeciency.. albeit the effeciency of nuclear reactors are about 60% effeciency.. )

Moments of achievement interspersed with occasional tinges of anguish and anxiety.. the later two almost as if an amorphous continum of uniform consistency.. Moments where I become myopic and simply fixated on my goals.. and yet moments when I just hope sweet serendipity would favour a person such as me. Moments where life seems to be a Kasparov chess game- the many steps ahead planned to produce a favourable result- and yet moments when life should be just taken as it is- a journey and not a race.

Somehow, even as ridiculous as it may sound- sleep deprives me of rest. Some subconscious thought must be manifesting itself in my dreams as I lay to rest... I dream of a constant image.. I've had this dream repeated to me but in slightly different manners.

In my dreams I am walking by a quiet seaside park that has a tarmac path running thru.. the beach has no sand but hard rocks- white ones. and the tarmac path meets an intersection which turns into a concrete pathway at an intersection- which leads to a bridge- the most prominent of my dreams.. the bridge looks a manner similar to the San Francisco golden gate bridge- yet it is all concrete white.. it seems to lead somewhere.. over the seas.. the weather is grey but not stormy.. the bridge is broken in the middle.. and the slight half of the other side of the bridge is obscured by the fog.. the opposite bank cannot be seen..

I havent a clue why i keep seeing this place in my dreams..

Anyway its bedtime and i shall take my leave..

iris

"..And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.."

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, main chorus

If

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling

Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


By Max Ehrmann

Quotes

I just tot these quotes were very inspiring to me

Dont run thru life so fast that you forget where you've been,
but also where you're going:

Life's not a race, but a journey to be savoured

every step of the way.

Dont let your life slip thru your fingers

by living in the past or the future:

By living your life one day at a time,

you live all the days of your life

Dont shut love out of your life by saying that its impossible to find:

The quickest way to recieve love is to give love;

The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;

And the best way to keep love, is to give it wings

Dont dismiss your dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope:

To be without hope is to be without purpose

"Salary is directly proportional to the length of Scientific words used" - Dr Robert Di Nicolantonio, my Physiology Lecturer

Why must science words be so long? mebbe scientists get a hit out of saying really long words.. eg

Decussation- it just means CROSS OVER
Haemorrahge- it just means BLEEDING
Contralateral- it just means OPPOSITE
Ipsilateral- it just means SAME SIDE
Olfactory Senses- it just means SMELL

Sometimes i ask myself why i chose science..

White Flower

The White Flower

There, by the gravel path I saw
A scene so enchanting
One yielding inspiration and awe,
Melded with tenacity and daunting.

Sway, in the balmy dry breeze
A white flower in simplicity divine
Its splendour contrasted amongst flowerbed debris
The plethora of insiduous weeds, its glory not deprive

Stand,with tenacity and resolve white flower
Amongst barren and desolate earth
Amidst weeds that seek so viciously your existance to devour
Alone you saturate your entity with mirth.

There, by the gravel path a white flower I saw
Dauntless against the tiny cruel world of its own
Even as the coruscating nuance gnaws
May its resilience to all.. be made known.

Kenneth Chin (1987- )

27th July 2006

Today the 27th July 2006

A tiring and long day.. and I've been procrastinating.. well.. i dont know if "its the start of school and I'm busy" syndrome or its just due to pure slacking.. whichever way it is, I better get it rectified soon..

For many nights I've had many strange dreams.. not that they rob me of sleep..but its as if.. the mind will not find rest.. even as the body succumbs to the softness of the pillow and warmth of a blanket in this harsh melbourne winter..

I guess.. well.. maybe its that I just have alot on my mind... thoughts speeding past my mind..

Oh well.. I'll continue another day.. I'm worn out.. time for a rest..

Day of days

Today the 23rd July 2006, day before the start of 2nd yr 2nd sem.. I guess in a way it means alot of things to me..

I guess I must say that miracles do happen.. especially last sem.. many things changed..

Somehow I felt that i've been thru quite alot.. some ups and downs.. days of celebration and days of sadness.. mixed into an amorphous continum.. I guess happiness is a choice.. we can chose to be happy or sad.. although most of the times we just let ourselves go into the freefall and succumb to the pain..

There're some recurring memories that seem to haunt me.. just as I walked back thru the rain today.. somehow it was like a sortie with the past... the same feeling struck me.. it was as if i knew this scene before.. from the past.. a subtle feeling of sadness... as i search the depths of my cognitive realm.. it seems to elude me.. but once i stop searching.. it materializes in the periphery of my thoughts.. strangely foreignly familiar..

I guess its back to school again.. the academic arena.. where warrior brandish not swords but textbooks and pens.. but the fight is on.. and I'll give my best..

Lesson from the lab

The Story of 0.02g in 5L


Recipe for SDS(sodium dodecyl sulfate) running buffer


72g Glycine
5g SDS
15.34g Tris base (tris-2-Amino-2-hydroxymethyl-1,3-propanediol)
5.00L de-ionized H2O 18.2(omega)M @ 24.5'C

Setting: I'm preparing 5L of SDS running buffer for the 2D gel electrophoresis,
my supervisor notices that I'm overtly meticulous abt the mass of tris base
making sure that its exactly 15.34g (the weighing balance
measures up to 0.000000g accurately, I'm trying to make it as close to
15.34g and no more no less.)

Supervisor: Ken, what're u doing? hows the experiment going?
Ken: oh, I'm trying to ensure that the proper quantity of tris is added to the buffer..
Supervisor: whats the amount u need to add?
Ken: *double checks the recipe to verify the amount* 15.34g
Supervisor: what is your reading on the scale?
Ken:15.36.. its quite difficult.. such a tiny amt and it fluctuates by 0.02g..
Supervisor: Hmm yes.. if you're making something thats <20mLs that would matter(20mLs is relatively a large amount).. what is your volume again?
Ken: umm 5L?
Supervisor: *laughs* exactly so.. that difference of 0.02g wouldnt make ANYdifference to something thats 5L! Precision is a good trait of a scientist.. knowing when to be precise and calculative is an even more important trait..

There the story ends.. and I had a good think about it.. 0.02g.. What was I thinking? And I thought about this lesson i learnt superimposed upon the canvas of life.. sometimes i find that I'm so calculative of things.. the need for precision in almost everything.. when some minor things happen I get flustered.. and just like that 0.002g i get edgy.. and waste time trying to remedy the supposed "problem".. when instead.. I fail to realise that its 5L.. its analogous to the vastness of life.. and being so calculative of such things dont even make a difference..

I guess from this.. I learnt to see things at the "5L" perspecive and not the "20mL" perspective.. paradigm shift.. thats life.. its a whole dynamic process of give and take +/- 0.02g.. I guess I should go easy on myself as well as others.. sometimes in life we lose and sometimes we gain.. and when we get so caught up abt being so precise and calculative.. fixated on some things.. unable to let go.. we fail to see the bigger picture.. the 5L "IT DOESNT MATTER".. Yet it should be noted.. a diff of 0.002g wont make a difference.. BUT 20.000g or even 2.000g makes a huge difference.. thats when of course.. there must be steps taken to remedy the problem..

Somethings have held my heart captive for so long.. wrenching in so much pain.. just like a man escaping from a sinking ship.. hanging on to posessions.. realising if he doesnt let go.. he'll drown.. running away from the problem.. doesnt help.. i guess the problem should be faced head on..

And the best remedy to it.. is exactly the 5L view.. to live and let live.. my grandma in her sickness.. told me.. never to compare with others.. because u can never be satisfied.. you'll burn out, be incredibly miserable.. and your heart'll be so crippled.. the only person that I should compare with.. is myself.. Give and take.. forget, forgive, live and let live

hols

Its 12:20 and I'm still not in bed.. and I gotta go to work at 9 2mr morn.. and its gonna be a long day.. I dont know why i'm still up at this time.. even feeling so awake..

Things are starting to roll up.. hols are coming to an end.. and I guess i feel that I really enjoyed the hols.. all the food and pampering frm my parents.. yet.. work seems to deprive me of a good holiday i wanted.. neverthelss no point complaining.. its almost over anyway..

Sleep seems to be so saturated with dreams.. vivid yet so brief.. from the shutting till the opening of my eyes.. a whole eternity seems to pass like a split second. Yet when I awake the thoughts in my mind seem to form an amorphous amalgam.. that flows like the raging torrents of a river past the very dams of my cognitive logic processing.

Its hols yet i feel something in my mind disturbing me.. like a coruscating nuance... like a spectre.. u feel its presence but when u look.. it disappears.. perhaps the innermost fears manifesting itself upon a tired mind? For some reason I feel unhappy.. and I dont know why.. and I dont think I'm having my period...

Anyway off to bed.. work calls for me 2mr.. another day in the life of kenchin..

Words

Words

Upon virginal white fibres, yield
Swiftly,gracefully and elegantly, dance
Uninhibited you waltz across the vast white field
With a trail like a shooting star, you mark your passing in a glance

On behalf of one's cognition, speak
Verily if 'ere urgent, haste
Paint the message of your picture beautiful or bleak
Let the mind at the recieving end, the emotions taste

Like a raging river or tears of subtle sadness, flow
Vivaciouly adorned with colour, saturate
Bathe the mind's senses with feelings you behold
Determine if the message you bear is love or hate

Words of my heart please, sing
To this world, my humble offering of expression, give
Emotions that render colour to my world you bring
Manifest yourself, while I still have breath.. and for as long as I live

Written by: Ken Chin (1987- )

Sleep

Sleep

Sleep bids me come hither,
Ever so subtly and demurely
The mind lulling itself to rest
Eyes, faintly bloodshot and teary
Endeavour to close and find relief
Upon soft fabric, tired I lay
The silence of the night
Like a coruscanting nuance
Envelopes my senses

Yet sleep eludes me,
Weary yet not being able to get rest
A fatigued body vainly wrestles to suppress
A fatigued mind running in overdrive
Serotonin coursing through the brain
Attempts to sedate every firing neuron
Writhing around in bed
The fabric rustling is all I hear
As I pursue this elusive thing called sleep
Yet maybe, If I dont pursue
To me, it would return
Then there I may truly find ......

Ken Chin (1987- )

17th June 2006

Date: 17th June 2006
Time: 1920hrs AEST

Its funny how I can so consistently wake up so early in the morning.. even after a late night.. I slept at about 3 last night.. lo and behold, I woke up at 9am this morning.. Maybe its the residual effect of exams.. but nevertheless, had a go at playing soccer.. well it was ok.. a fairly interesting match.. I did yell till my voice went abit hoarse.. nevertheless it was fun. I mean, playing with 2 of my old school mates.. well it does bring back memories of the good ol times in secondary school.. except maybe.. there was more fair play and diplomacy- u know.. the handshake after the game and "good game, you played well" kinda thing..

And I thought for a moment, actually all these things are important- not just for a display, but also as a form of diplomacy.. I dont know.. personally I'm not exactly crazy over soccer.. infact I dont even watch all the world cup matches.. only a select few.. nevertheless.. I think soccer brings people together..

I must admit it feels good when you ram the ball and people get out of the way instead of blocking the ball.. haha how sadistic of me eh.. Its funny how in a game, you establish yourself as an artillery piece and when the ball comes to you with your opponent infront, you draw back your leg and pretend you're going to deliver a far shot.. I remembered seeing one guy- he quickly ducked.. and I just tapped the ball lightly from him.. haha it was quite funny.. but well I guess.. there are times when I get rammed also..

The day's been pretty quiet.. I got bored so I made a whole set of my own name cards.. well.. at least its easier to pass on contact details.. yeah.. tho the cards are the least bit professional.. they're just printed on A4 paper.. yeah.. oh well.. sorry for this boring entry.. I've had quite a boring day

June 17th

Somehow the holidays dont seem so appealing anymore.. I mean I'm thankful that I'm goin back... but yet.. it doesnt seem like a holiday.. maybe its the singaporean buffet syndrome.. u heap everything onto ur plate.. only to realise that its too much ur stuffing on ur plate.. by that time.. you forsee that u'll get indigestion.. working from monday to friday 9-5 in a lab initially sounded like great fun.. i mean well cross talk between HER-2/neu cell to cell signalling and mitochondria sounds like some big thing.. I guess well.. you're joining the force of scientists working together to combat cancer.. and rid human kind of its worst disease.. yet.. what I want is a break from all the hustle and bustle.. I want a holiday break.. My holiday is almost non existant.. I know I shouldnt complain.. Its just the fact that.. what I really looked forward to is a restful period.. where I can just feel laid back.. to recharge my energy before I get back into the academic fight.. but yet.. this holiday eludes me.. I dont know what to feel.. 1- I only get weekends off 2-I have to work from 9-5 everyday.. what else is there to do after 5? when u gotta go back sleep early and get ready for work the next day? 3- I have to fly back on the 20th which is a thursday.. that means I'll also be working that day.. and I dont get the last weekend off.. I dont know what to do really.. somehow I'm tired of all this academic ambition..

Whats this all mean at the end of the day? you're some kind of biochem hero? I'm tired.. all I want is a good holiday... for all the hard work and effort u put in for an exam, you can be rewarded by.. more hardwork.. and I mean.. WHAT EVEN MAKES ME THINK AFTER 9-5 THATS THE END OF IT? I STILL HAVE TO WRITE A REPORT TO COVER WHAT WENT ON THAT DAY.. so much for a holiday.. this had better be worth it.. cos I am really starting to feel resentful of it.. I dont know.. it seems like bad news after bad news.. I've been really looking forward to this holiday this whole semester.. It has to turn out this way.. GOD HELP ME PLEASE..

June 14th 2006

Entry log: June 14th 2006
Time: 1844hrs AEST

Just one more day to go.. the feeling- tired yet a sense of happiness.. many days have come and past, some quicker than others.. day and night have flowed just like a continum.. just like an amorphous continum.. I really do wonder how it does pass by.. just weeks ago i felt like a soldier fighting outnumbered from a tiny foxhole.. mentally prepared for an impending death.. yet taking down as many as I can before i go down... today.. spent of energy and ammunition.. I fight the last wave.. with one last clip of ammo loaded.. tired but somehow relieved.. nevertheless.. lets make every shot count.. for the many days I've been in this academic foxholes, I cannot have claimed to have outfought without aid.. firstly I thank God for never letting me give up.. next I thank my friends.. my comrades who fight alongside me.. whom never cease not only to uplift, but lavishly to teach and to aid me.. I thank my aunt who's here.. every bit of food she cooks for me, every single piece of encouragement, are my extra ammunition magazines.. I think many of my friends should recieve special mention:

Kwek Fei-Ju"fat pig"[in canto](Kwek Yi Xian)
- When the going gets tough, the tough gets baking.. A tribute to a person whom I call my brother..A person with a heart bigger than the size of my ass..his care more numerous that the number of shoes he has(dont guess..its insane for the number of legs we have).. a friend that gives so selflessly of his time efforts and words.. I am grateful for a brother as such..

Beckysaurus(Rebeckah Heng)
- The little princess, bubble of joy and happy bringer who never fails to amuse me and provide me laughter in times of weariness.. for the many times she has cheered me up by saying really stupid stuff(*oops*) as well as the time where the stuff she says gives me that extra dose of strength to last thru the day..a person who keeps me in constant prayer and cares for my heart.. her warmth and smile brings warmth in the coldest winter.. Such is an angel from the heavens above.

Kat-Kat(Kathryn Lee)
- A medical student who not only can give u a bypass or angioplasty or open heart surgery.. many thanks to the times when she fixes the wounds in my heart, even though, time itself.. is not a luxury of hers- A true medical student,a great doctor to be, and a loyal friend. I am grateful

Caramelmie(Melissa Whye)
-The best things in life, sometimes comes in little packages! Melly has always been there to amuse me and so perseveringly taken my embelishments of making fun of her.. this is my tribute to her for all the times and the late nites she's spent encouraging me..and putting that smile on my face.Thanks melly

Debster/Debbi(Debbie Woo)
-A person who'll never fail to amuse u, listen to u blabber on abt DNA and ASK FOR MORE.. Its most uplifting to have friends like these.. even tho distance separates, the warmth she puts in my heart after a long day does bring comfort.. as well as a smile on my face! I SALUTE YOU

die Schwester(Jamie Chin-the sister)
-Contrary to what many elder brothers think of their little sisters, this little one is a jewel.. her quirkiness does drive you crazy and over the wall without even getting any traffic demerit points.. I pay tribute to a sister that has always aided me.. be it in german or backing me up infront of my parents.. to my little sister, danke schon.. Ich will fur dich aus Australia sehr viel Bier kaufen.. Das ist gut ja?

Milk

I thought I found these facts interesting:

Milk as a Sedative

Milk contains alot of the amino acid Tryptophan which is needed to produce serotonin- a neurotransmitter that induces sleep

Milk when warmed, forms diazepam compounds, which are sedative themself..

Wanting

=Wanting=

On the gravel path, walk I
With the fall of each footstep, my transit mark
Pastels of orange and red spray across the vast expense of sky
As the last fleeting rays of sunlight succumb to the subtle dark
The whorl of clouds are present ever so subtle
Sculpted and majestic they stand in the fading sun
In towering colums solid or blossoming flower petals
Standing adamant as the day comes close to done
The wind stirs the dry leaves into a dance
Spirited away by a force unseen
Rasping as they waltz as if in trance
A feeling calling my senses to convene

Thoughts,
Like the evening traffic passing me
Slowly some trundle past, while others race
Past,present and future I see
With questions that stare me in the face

Query,
What is it that I dream
What is it that I am lacking
Sated yet desiring, or so it seems
I searched my heart and I found it wanting...

I searched my heart.. and found it wanting...

Ken Chin (1987- )

536-201 Physiology 2005 End of Semester paper

Section C

Q9 Answer all 3 parts a),b) and c) (30marks)

At death, the muscles of the body become very stiff and inextensible, and the corpse is said to go into rigor or 'rigor mortis'. With the aid of labeled diagrams(where nescessary)

a) explain the basis of rigor. Where in the contraction cycle is the muscle arrested? why?

b) Would you be likely to go into rigor faster if you were to die running to class or while sitting at lecture? Explain your answer.

c) Wat effect would the addition of ATP have on muscles in rigor?




I think I'll drop physiology next semester.. as you can see, going to physiology lecture at 9am has severe pathogenic effects- and often lethal

Words

Words

Upon virginal white fibres, yield
Swiftly,gracefully and elegantly, dance
Uninhibited you waltz across the vast white field
With a trail like a shooting star, you mark your passing in a glance

On behalf of one's cognition, speak
Verily if 'ere urgent, haste
Paint the message of your picture beautiful or bleak
Let the mind at the recieving end, the emotions taste

Like a raging river or tears of subtle sadness, flow
Vivaciouly adorned with colour, saturate
Bathe the mind's senses with feelings you behold
Determine if the message you bear is love or hate

Words of my heart please, sing
To this world, my humble offering of expression, give
Emotions that render colour to my world you bring
Manifest yourself, while I still have breath.. and for as long as I live

Written by: Ken Chin (1987- )

Why

Why

Why does it hurt so bad?
In pain yet I harbour not hate
Is there nothing that can, this wound sate?
Pretense laced smiles
Cunningly designed to hide my wiles
Yet you know i'm not my original state

Why does it have to be?
Reminiscent of the past filled with pain
Like a spectre of the past, a waltz with nostalgia once again
Down this memory lane walk I,
Head bowed, from my dry lips escape a sigh
From the corner of my eye, tributaries of tears flow as the heavens above sends rain

Why does asking 'why' matter?
The shrapnel peppered heart feels weak
Yet "why?" a question it earnestly seeks
I'll ask as I remove those shards
Thirst I, not for vengance- even though my heart has been marred
Alas the silence your only answer you offer, as I dry the tears off my cheeks

Why?

By: Ken Chin (1987- )

A Song for the ECL and Parietal cells of the stomach

This song is written as a last ditch effort to study the digestive processes in the stomach about ECL (Enterochromaffin like cells) and Parietal cells (they secrete H+ and make the stomach acidic)

Its sung to the tune of " How do i live" by Leanne Rimes.. damm if she hears how I mutilated her song she'll kill my ass.. but well anything for science is JUSTIFIABLE

How do I secrete

How do I,
Get thru 1 meal without you
How could I eat without you
Cos you're my ECL cell

Oh why,
You're only activated by gastrin
You engage calmodulin
And secrete histamine
That will bind H2 receptors on Oxyntic cells

And tell me now,
How do I eat without you, I want to know
How do I cope without you, with that huge food flow
How do I ever secrete HCl
How do I.. How do I secrete...

With no acid,
There'd be bad bacteria in my gut
That would really make me fart
My friends would quickly depart

Oxyntic cell,
Ach binds to your M3
And ATP to AC
Gives cAMP
Goes from Adenyl cyclase onto Protein Kinase
And from the cell within, Calcium binds calmodulin
And drives the pump

And tell me now,
How do I eat without you, I want to know
How do I cope without you, with that huge food flow
How do I ever secrete HCl
How do I, oh how do I secrete..

Written by: Ken Chin the Bored

This song is also dedicated to 536-201 Principles of Physiology students:

For the sigh of relief we exhale after respiration lectures, for the facts we just cant stomach in digestion lectures, the times when we get pissed off at messy notes during Urinary excretion lectures..

Cold Day

The Senses

Hear,
The dry cold wind blows,
The leaves, dry, rasp as they flurry into dance
As if a spirit moved amongst

See,
Twilight falls as if to dampen the mood
As the last fleeting rays of daylight elude
The bustle of life fades,
As if to amplify the solitude

Feel,
The touch of bittersweet sorrow
A heart with a wound feels hollow
As night marks the passing of day,
On my knees, with clasping hands I pray
Rid this pain and give me hope for tomorrow

Smell,
Sadness so subtle that permeates the air
Why does my heart, this pain bear?
Wish it all away
Wish it'd never stay
It persists stubbornly, in your face it stares
Wishes, are just vanity because no matter what.. it is still there

Ken Chin (1987- )
2nd June 2006