Bitter

To finish the Poster for Melbourne Protein Group 2008, I haven't had sleep in 2 days, computer crashed 2x and I had to start again from scratch.. did 3 experiments at 1 go per day in the lab just to keep up.. was in the lab till 12:49am.. just to win the Best Poster award for the MPG conference.. but no, they wouldn't give it to me.. to make it even worse they split the prize up into smaller prizes to give out.. and I still didn't get it..

Bitterness.. I feel it gripping in my heart.. for the first time, I had all intention of swearing aloud.. but I just sucked it in.. they always say "hardwork pays" does it? because if what I did wasn't hard work.. I don't know what else to call it.. its just immense and incredible frustration.. people just can't recognise the amount of blood and tears I've put in to make it immaculate.. on top of my already heavy honours project.. people recognise dilligence and excellence don't they? As I walked out of Bio21 I just couldnt control the tears.. it really gripped my heart that people could either be that blind or that cruel.. the feeling is so sick.. the sacrifices I bore and they're not appreciated or at least recognised by people.. Just feel like yelling out in indignance.. God why have you done this to me? haven't I already suffered enough for the sake of academics? isn't and shouldn't my efforts be rewarded? the past week was hell but I endured it for the vision of winning.. why should I endure anything else if the world is so blind? when effort, determination and excellence is rewarded?

I walked home alone.. returning to an empty apartment.. just to suffer by myself- as if no one hears me.. no one to give me comfort but for me alone to shrug it off.. doesn't anyone understand how much hell I've gone thru for excellence?

Just feeling incredibly bitter and with anger simmering in me... I had to write this out here just to get it out of my system..