Singularity

God must seriously think I'm a joke then..

Anyway as an off tangent- What about "Melbourne Uni Fortune Cookie"? It kinda rhymes anyway.. you might get messages in them like:

"Your assignment due date will be extended by 2 weeks"

"You won't have any 8am lectures next semester"

"Your only friday class will be cancelled this week"

"You will win Ms/Mr Medicine 2008 award"

"You put the stud in studying" (applicable to males only)

"There will be a space in the library for you"

"There won't be any noisy people in the library" (Zhikai's favourite)

"You will score 4 H1s" (most popular)

Imagine downing your lunch at union house and subsequently partaking in one of these delightfully little nibbles and reading the little white slips with overwhelming cynicism- i guess its the same reason why people read the horroscope anyway- just for entertainment.

Enough of the idle banter..

Its not the sort of post that I would put up.. but nevertheless it has weighed on my heart for quite a while.

Today's sermon on searching for a partner struck me about my predicament.. I began to examine myself.. and I felt this hollow feeling in me. Its surprising how the sermon catalyzed the release whole gamut of emotions.. a strange mixture of amusement, abit of comfort and distress.

Amusement firstly because, well if you can't control yourself- get married. In my mind I was thinking "Man some sort of solution that is!" but I guess it does make sense.. you enter into a covenant where your urges from unedifying become edifying when translated to your partner. Come to think of it, its actually quite a good idea- albeit its probably not so simple.

Distressed as I've been single for the longest time I can remember... and I've done everything possible to wrestle myself from this status.. being every form of a good guy I can be for myself that benefits others and glorifies God tho still with lots of flaws.. but still trying...It kind of feels unfair sometimes when you've done every attempt feasible to be a good person and a choice candidate and yet watch others pair off effortlessly.. The futility strikes when you realise that +25kg before and -25kg after, there isnt a difference (and 25kg without liposuction isnt easy to do at all..).. still remained single- maybe this means that looks dont really matter.. not smoking, drinking, clubbing or swearing.. being a relatively decent student at uni.. nothing has changed.. What more can I do? After hearing so many "When the time is right.." it seems to lose its therapeutic property- maybe there's something wrong? something dysfunctional? Am i not putting in enough effort? I dont know.. It feels as if all that I am isn't good enough or cut out for it...

There're days where I return home from the lab and I face an empty house.. my cuz's with his gf.. and I retreat to my own enclave and it has a very hollow feeling.. you just want to have that special someone whom you can listen to her pour out her day onto you, and you share your day with. Often these thoughts are suppressed or just shaken off.. but I cant deny their existance and persistance.. its not so much the self pity.. but more of the exasperation-What else can I do? if there is an answer, someone please tell me.. if there's a mathematical equation to solve this, please explain it to me..

Comforted in the sense that, I began to see how I am willing to change the unbearable.. no matter how futile it may have been..

All I can do, I guess is hope, pray and stand fast..