Cancer

A path forks in the yellow woods..

A wierd sensation.. I'm 18.. turning 19 at least and the time has come again.. for me to make an executive decision... i wouldnt over dramatize it.. neither will i overlook its substantiality.. its time to re-enrol with my 3rd year subjects.. to choose my path- the route that I want to go..

Somehow after these years, I have grown independant in a way of my parents making decisions for me.. but yet I feel that youth is fleeting- why should anyone at my age be overloaded with decisions like this? In a sense it does and at the same time does not add up for much- at the end of the day I still come out with a science degree.. just like everyone else.. or at least those who're insane enough to actually love studying.. its kinda sadomasochistic dont u think?.. yet.. what I chose will determine what I can do in the future too..

I've decided to choose biochemistry and pathology as a major.. I saw honours projects the other day when I was in the lift- pathology had alot to offer in the field of cancer research.. (dad still thinks pathology means i have to cut up dead people.. *pfft*)

A friend then asked me.. "why do u want to find a cure for cancer?" and.. in my mind.. i felt as if.. I would be labeled as those deluded, money seeking sort.. or fame and glory seeking sort.. motivated by things like these to go find a cure for cancer..

In sec 3 I saw my grandma die of cancer.. it was slow and painful.. and me at that young age.. I guess it was the first time I saw death in the face.. yet not the death I thought I'd see in a car crash or when u shoot someone for answering all the teacher's questions during biochem tute(shoot repeatedly.. and with a machine gun).. but it was the death that slowly wasted away a person.. a person that I loved deeply.. someone that took care of me and always encouraged me to study.. even if she didnt have formal education..

It seems as if.. it had persisted in me so long.. lasting till today.. why.. cancer had to slowly destroy my grandma.. then i just tot cancer was something just abit more serious than a high fever.. now i study about it and learn about its intricacies..

But from then till now.. the thing that hasnt changed.. was the sadness of watching cancer eat the life out of my grandma.. destroying her slowly.. Many years have passed and time and time again I visit the Garden of Remembrance to pay my respects.. sometimes.. i look at the niche.. at her photo.. and i ask: "grandma what would you have me do?" Back then.. in her last few moments I remembered.. the feeling of vengance.. and that has simmered till now.. Its a feeling and a desire to avenge her.. and the hope that many more families will not suffer broken hearts..

Sigh.. there again.. kenchin.. you rely so heavily on your emotions.. and they may blind and mislead your logical judgement.. but.. for what its worth.. I have made up my mind.. and I really do hope that whatever it is that I do.. I must honour God, honour my grandma.. and bring honour to my family.. as I pursue this path.. Grandma.. if you're watching me from above.. I hope it will bring a smile to you..